Facebook Privacy Settings

I don't know about you but quite a few of my friends have had status updates warning their friends about their phone number being listed on Facebook. My thoughts on this: It is only going to be there if you put it there, they don't magically get it. and if you are worried about super-stalking on their part you probably shouldn't have a Facebook. Like everything Facebook does they have just made it easier for people to stalk you. If I wanted to know your phone number I could go to your profile and try to find it or just go to the Facebook 'phone book' which leads me to my other thing. Years ago people used to list their number in a paper book, called the phone book. It is really no different. I know some people declined from listing their number, but don't add your number to your Facebook and it won't be in the 'phone book'. 

Today I was looking around and I noticed that a friend had commented on one of their friend's status. someone I didn't know. So I clicked on it and I could see their whole page, their wall, all their pictures, their info, their spouse etc. I looked around some more and I was able to find some addresses of people I didn't know. Instead of limiting your warning to something silly like phone numbers, warn your friends that their page might not actually be private. And think about that before you write something on a friend's wall, you might try really hard to work on the privacy of your page, but you have no idea unless you have talked about it with them what the privacy of your friend's pages is.

I think that is all :)

HISloveNAME
The Woodward Family

Beyond Livid Right Now

I wrote this part after the rest all that is in CAPS And now I sit here crying, wondering if I should post this. How does it make me look? Do people even care? Should I post it because I know they don't? Do I post it because other people would? If other people would why can't I? So you know what.... Deep breath... because I don't want to second guess my action to post this I am not going to reread it, so ignore any major errors in spelling or whatnot.

 

I AM SO SICK OF RECALLS AND ONE DAY "THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO DO THIS" AND THE NEXT "DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOING TO KILL YOUR CHILD BY USING THIS" WHETHER IT BE RECALLING A BABY MONITOR BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE DUMB AND PUT THE MONITOR NEXT TO THE CRIB AND THE CHILD STRANGLED THEMSELVES. I AM SORRY YOU LOST YOUR CHILD, AND I AM SORRY IT WAS YOUR FAULT, BUT DON'T BLAME THE COMPANY BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER. OR NOT REALIZING THAT REALLY YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP THE PAIN OF YOUR UNDER 2 YEAR OLD BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING OUT THERE TO EASE THEIR PAIN.

EGGS ARE GOOD FOR YOU. NO THEY CAN KILL YOU.

DON'T EAT THAT DOUGHNUT, YOU KNOW IT IS FULL OF CRAP THAT CAN KILL YOU.

I AM ALSO TIRED OF HOLDING ALL OF THIS IN BECAUSE I AM GOING TO OFFEND SOMEONE OR HURT THEIR FEELINGS. I AM STILL LEAVING OUT STUFF BECAUSE I STILL FEAR ALL THAT WHICH ALSO TICKS ME OFF.

WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE CAN SAY WHATEVER THEY WANT TO ME, ABOUT ME, AND ABOUT MY CHILDREN, BUT I CAN'T SAY A THING WITHOUT BEING LABELED AND JUDGED AND PEOPLE STOP LISTENING. 

YES, I TALK TOO MUCH

YES, MY DAUGHTER IS A LITTLE ON THE LOUD SIDE AND SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS. I'M SORRY YOUR CHILD IS A LUMP THAT DOESN'T HAVE FEELINGS AND THEREFORE DOESN'T CARE IF YOU TAKE SOMETHING FROM THEM.

YES, I STOPPED BREASTFEEDING BEFORE 2, BEFORE 1 YOU KNOW WHAT, EVEN BEFORE 6 MONTHS (IN FACT THEY GOT 2 AND 1 MONTH ONLY) 

YES, I FEEL VERY STRONGLY, SO I GET UPSET, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE SOMETHING THAT MOST PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN DREAM OF HAVING AND THAT IS EMPATHY. I HAVE BEEN "BLESSED" WITH THIS GIFT AND EVEN WHEN I CAN USE IT PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO LET ME. 

I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE NOT LETTING ME BE ME. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I HAVE DEPRESSION, WHY I AM SO DEPRESSED? BECAUSE MY ENTIRE LIFE, WELL AT LEAST SINCE THE FIRST GRADE EVERYONE, AND I MEAN EVERYONE HAS BEEN TELLING ME TO GO AGAINST WHO I AM. I CAN'T HELP PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY MIGHT HURT ME. WHICH HAS ACTUALLY STOOD TO BE TRUE A LOT OF THE TIME.

I HAVEN'T WANTED TO PUT ANY OF THIS OUT THERE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN HIDING BUT TONIGHT, WORRYING ABOUT ALMOST USING SOMETHING THAT 'MIGHT' HAVE HURT JD AND WORRYING THAT I DID USE SOMETHING THAT 'MIGHT' HURT HIM I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

I WANTED TO BE IN BED AN HOUR AN A HALF AGO AND HERE I SIT, ALONE, FREAKING OUT AND SERIOUSLY LOOSING IT.

I ALMOST HURT MY SON, BUT DID I? I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I DON'T TRUST OUR FREAKIN GOVERNMENT TO USE THEIR AUTHORITY. TOO MANY THINGS ARE BEING RECALLED. WHY DO WE HAVE ALL THIS REGULATIONS IF SO MANY THINGS ARE GOING TO SLIP THROUGH? SO EVEN IF SOMETHING HASN'T BEEN RECALLED, IS IT REALLY SAFE?

I DON'T WANT YOUR CRAP ABOUT HOW I AM WRONG OR WHATEVER, IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO SAY, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. YOU HAVEN'T LISTENED TO ANYTHING YOU HAVE READ. I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT HOW I AM WRONG, I JUST NEED TO GET THINGS OFF MY CHEST. SO HERE IT IS.

(Also added after)

I live for these people right here:

See those amazing smiles?

and I am doing the best I can with the knowledge I have. Hindsight is 20/20 and also heartbreaking. 

I am trying and no one can fault me for that. and yet they still do... weird. I am a sensitive person and remember that your comments, even if just said in passing and not meant to mean anything, can hurt me. and I don't understand why I have to watch what I say and other people can walk all over me. and if you are thinking something about how I let them... you are right.. you can add YES I AM WEAK to that list above.

I am going to sleep, well bed, hopefully some sleep comes and hopefully I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow. 

I do thank God for my mostly healthy and somewhat happy children. I love my husband. We have a place to live and we put food on the table.

And you know what? as I question posting this I am reminded of my favorite psalm. If David can cry out like this why can't I?

Psalm 86

A prayer of David.

  Hear me, LORD, and answer me,
   for I am poor and needy.
 Guard my life, for I am faithful to you;
   save your servant who trusts in you.
You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord,
   for I call to you all day long.
 Bring joy to your servant, Lord,
   for I put my trust in you.

  You, Lord, are forgiving and good,
   abounding in love to all who call to you.
 Hear my prayer, LORD;
   listen to my cry for mercy.
 When I am in distress, I call to you,
   because you answer me.

  Among the gods there is none like you, Lord;
   no deeds can compare with yours.
 All the nations you have made
   will come and worship before you, Lord;
   they will bring glory to your name.
 For you are great and do marvelous deeds;
   you alone are God.

  Teach me your way, LORD,
   that I may rely on your faithfulness;
give me an undivided heart,
   that I may fear your name.
 I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;
   I will glorify your name forever.
 For great is your love toward me;
   you have delivered me from the depths,
   from the realm of the dead.

  Arrogant foes are attacking me, O God;
   ruthless people are trying to kill me—
   they have no regard for you.
 But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
   slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
 Turn to me and have mercy on me;
   show your strength in behalf of your servant;
save me, because I serve you
   just as my mother did.
 Give me a sign of your goodness,
   that my enemies may see it and be put to shame,
   for you, LORD, have helped me and comforted me.

New Blog Layout

I hope you like. I was trying to figure out how I could make the actual entry part of the blog larger without making the blog wicked long Because I could have just put everything on one side. Most of what was on the right side is in a page which has a link at the top of the page. Plus its stuff that if you know us you don't need or may not want to see every time you come to our side. I might figure out how to put the "blogs we follow" on another page too, but I think that is the only other one I can move. It would be a little more work to manually add all the blogs, but its such a long list even if I only put the active blogs it would still be a long list.

Now for a big ramble about what has been happening :)

 Today was the second day it has hit 60* Very exciting. Because of this warmth Isaac was able to get all the ice off the driveway. It is great, we will be able to get up the driveway with no problems now it was 3 inches thick. Even opened the door, it lets in so much light, I am wicked excited for summer and having this open all the time.

JD gave himself a pretty good fat lip the other day. See the left (his right) Its not really swollen, just red on the outside and white on the inside.

We have a mouse. Or more than one. There has been a  LOT of poop everywhere. This morning was the last straw. I found poop on our table. So we have Altoids and bay leaves apparently mice don't like peppermint or the bay leaves. We shall see. 

Isaac and I have been watching Nova and  Nova Science Now I have always been very interested in everything and this has been a great learning experience. It is actually where I learned more about Watson the computer that compeated on Jeopardy! and when it was going to compete. 

I think that is it for now, Isaac and I have a couple shows we want to watch before he heads to work. I know there was more I wanted to say, especially about the kids, but I can't remember any of it.

HISloveNAME

The Woodward Family

People I Admire

Its a looonnng list. But I was reading a friend's blog and as I was reponding to her blog it got me thinking almost blogging as a comment in fact so I decided to come back here and blog. It was going to be about breastfeeding. And I think I might go off a little on that and get back to the admiration in a little bit. Basically her little boy is 14 months old and she is still breastfeeding him. This was my comment:

I don't know where I stand on the health benefits (not getting as sick) because I have seen it go both ways. And while I know the research claims one thing I have a hard time listening to any research because they go back and forth on so many things.

That said. 

I think this is great. Breastfeeding (or not) is about what is best for your child, and you- for your family. It sounds like because Liam tolerates it, and not much else, it is for the best. Also, because of my problems breastfeeding, I think stopping if I am ever given the chance to get to a year is going to be hard. (Just a side thought I am having) When I first think of the idea it does give me the creeps, friends and I have talked about it, some have gone over a year (usually having to stop because of another baby) but I don't judge, because everyone has different stories. and it would be crazy of me to judge you (or anyone) for going 'longer' when I ask people not judge me for having to stop.

I wanted to add to this that I have a friend who is more like a sister who had a little girl in July. Every time I have seen her she has given me breast milk for JD. Why? Because she understands my frustration, why I am so upset. PLUS she has an abundance, and I mean that. She has been pumping since the beginning due to latching issues. She is part of the reason that I now know for sure that if I had a supply I could have done the pump and feed thing longer. She plans to stop pumping the end of December because she will have enough in her freezer to get her daughter to her first birthday. That includes giving me about a month supply total. Her daughter was born in mid July lets just say the 15th and she plans to stop pumping December 31st. 5.5 months of pumping, plus giving away a months supply will give her enough for 7 months. CRAZY! It just isn't fair! Really we have talked about the unfair part being that we don't live closer so JD could have benefited more from her ability to produce for twins hehe.

The other reason I was thinking about this was I just read my quote from almost about 10 months ago: "Being a great mom is much more than breast feeding" I do still love my breast feeding mommies though!

The other thing I wanted to add to my friend's blog was that the only reason what she is doing breast feeding for so long bothers me is because I hear her story and think "man... I suck. I didn't try hard enough"

Something that also ticks me off is people who have the supply but don't try. YOU are the reason people like me can't catch a break. Don't tell me you tried when you didn't and I know you didn't. There are women this woman whose blog I am talking about or another friend who I am going to add to my admire list who are separated from their children more than you were. I know women who have been sick and bounced back. Or stopped after being on medication and were still able to pick back up after 4 or 5 days. I have heard all the stories, front and back. I can tell when people try and when people blame other things. Sometimes they blame one thing but leave the thing that caused it alone... You have a good reason for quitting yes quitting just use the right one!

Ok... done with the rant. Moving on to the important stuff.  I figure doing this after a rant I have been wanting to get off my chest might help keep me sane when all is said and done.

PEOPLE  I  ADMIRE

I am going to start with the people who have blogs, you too can read their stories:

Michelle - The woman whose blog I was referring too.

warriormom - Mom to the following blog. She has a husband in the military, a son who has served and I am constantly in awe of how she is so strong.

Skye - Her daughter is beautiful and she is amazing.

Now to people without blogs:

Gram & Gramp - my dad's parents - I hope I can be a quarter of the people they were, that way I can be half as great as they were

Mom & Dad - I know it sounds cheesy but it is very true. They are such great people. I am lucky that I find some of those traits in me occationally.

Isaac - He does so much and sleeps so little, I really have no idea how he does it

That is all I can think of off the top of my head, but it worked I do feel much better. I wish I really could express how amazing these people are in my eyes. They all do so much and I don't think people really understand how strong and amazing they really are well except for my grandparents, that was hard to miss :)

Well, I am getting sleepy. I need to get some rest tonight so tomorrow I can work on making chocolate for gifts for Christmas. So much to do so little time.

HISloveNAME

The Woodward Family

Bathroom Blogging

Coming to you live from our bathroom. Its the only room with a lock on the door Which Rae reminds us of frequently by locking it and leaving the room. I am in here because I went to make dinner tonight pasta, hamburg and sauce but we didn't have any sauce because Isaac ate it all making himself something to eat in the mornings. Which is fine, because he needs to eat, its just the first time I have made a real dinner in a while and I can't even do that. Grr. I was also doing dishes while I was making dinner as I always do and I couldn't wash the cookie sheet without soaking the counter. The sink is too small. The sprayer doesn't work. Isaac said if it had a better faucet on it we might be able to actually do dishes in it. We just have to get Cris at home. He is away more than he is here. I want to lean back against the tub... can't... no tub. JD has had one bath since we got here and Rae has taken maybe three showers. Its just soo much work. Isaac and I barely get to see each other and spend time together YEAH RIGHT! lol Biggest JOKE EVER! Once I start working ha another thing I feel is never going to happen we are going to get to spend less time together. It wouldn't bother me so much if we got to see each other at night. But if you are married you know that the time from when the kids go to bed till you do is the time you get to spend with each other. Well recently Rae hasn't been falling asleep till 9 or 10 pm this has just been the past couple of nights, hoping it was just what we were doing and not a trend Isaac leaves for work at 10pm. Usually they are both in bed and asleep by 8pm which means we might get 2 hours if we are extremely lucky which usually we aren't usually it is closer to an hour an a half. And because it is such a small period of time I feel like we still never get to talk about all the things we need to talk about and another day goes by and we haven't talked about what are plans for the following day are. Or what time he has been getting home. If you were to ask me how much sleep my husband gets I wouldn't be able to tell you. Partly because Rae has been waking up and ending up in our bed and therefore he goes to sleep on the couch. I have no idea what time he gets home and no idea what time he goes to bed because we don't have time to talk. And if we do a lot of the time we end up sitting on the couch watching TV. The weekends go by so quickly. I can't believe it is already Sunday. We were able to watch a movie last night and tonight we are going to watch the Pats game and before we know it it will be midnight or even two am sometimes and instead of trying to catch up on some sleep from the week we will end up with 4-6 hours and still haven't talked because we absolutely do not talk during the Pats game! :) 

All this to say I am stressed. Tired. Miss my best friend. and enough is enough! I just want to scream.

On a better note, Rae seems to be getting back to her old self a little bit. Hopefully she will be 100% soon. JD is frustrating me by spitting out more of his formula than he is eating well, it isn't that much but it is a LOT I am hoping that the switch to milk will help that to happen less.. We shall see.

HISloveNAME

The Woodward Family

Christmas Pics

It was a long day... Our WIC appointment was in Beverly and ended up taking 2 HOURS!! Then we got home and I was on the phone for 2 hours trying to figure something out for a Christmas gift for Isaac. My plan was: When we got home from the WIC appointment tell Isaac that I wanted to take a family picture and then order some cards from snapfish. Well.... about an hour into the phone call I start orchestrating taking the pics. good mom's can multitask ;) We even took some while I waited on hold. Ordered the cards, they should be here Monday. By then I will have figured out who I am going to be sending them too and hopefully I ordered enough. Here are the pics I used for the card:

^This one is cropped for JD^

^Our Family^

^This one is cropped for Rae^

The card says something about the "Christmas Season" which means I have till January 6th to get them out... hopefully it doesn't take me that long though :)

HISloveNAME
The Woodward Family

This Time of Year

There are quite a few reasons that this time of year I think about my favorite movie The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. One reason is it is usually on TV the weekend of Thanksgiving. Another is December 17th, 2005 is when my Gram passed away and she and Gramp bought me a special edition of this movie that year for Christmas They were also a big part of why it was my favorite movie. I got a few things from them in their passings Gramp died March 29th, 2006 one was Gramp's copy of the book copyright 1903. I am looking at getting an Android phone and so Isaac and I were looking at the Kindle app and the free books. Well, I downloaded the book and the intro very much surprises me.

Introduction

Folklore, legends, myths and fairy tales have followed childhood through the ages, for every healthy youngster has a wholesome and instinctive love for stories fantastic, marvelous and manifestly unreal. The winged fairies of Grimm and Andersen have brought more happiness to childish hearts than all other human creations.

Yet the old time fairy tale, having served for generations, may now be classed as "historical" in the children's library; for the time has come for a series of newer "wonder tales" in which the stereotyped genie, dwarf and fairy are eliminated, together with all the horrible and blood-curdling incidents devised by their authors to point a fearsome moral to each tale. Modern education includes morality; therefore the modern child seeks only entertainment in its wonder tales and gladly dispenses with all disagreeable incident.

Having this thought in mind, the story of "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" was written solely to please children of today. It aspires to being a modernized fairy tale, in which the wonderment and joy are retained and the heartaches and nightmares are left out.

L. Frank Baum

Chicago, April, 1900.

I just found it very interesting. Now to go back to reading the story.

HISloveNAME
The Woodward Family

Deep Breaths

We are getting there... slowly but surely. The cable guy had to come again today because things were fulling installed yesterday. Because they came back in 30 days we get 3 months of HBO free Yes I know to call and cancel. Most of our clothes are put away, we still have to figure out where some of them are going to go. Unfortunately I think we are going to have to squeeze another dresser in here :( or maybe just a different one, but then that means no TV. Which some people are totally for no tv in the bedroom Isaac and I only go to bed at the same time 2 times a week if we are lucky and having grown up in a small house and hearing the TV as I fell asleep I find comfort in falling asleep to it. Anyway... So clothes are mostly done. Right now I am a little more than ticked that it takes over 1.5 hours to dry a load of clothes. Isaac is going to pull the washer/dryer away from the wall and see if something is blocked. It better be because I am wicked excited to have my own washer and dryer. Isaac was just coughing in the living room and the monitor lit up :( the doors were made to be handicap accessible which is a little ridicules considering how small the apartment is. Anyway... They are very thin and very big, so you can hear just about everything through them. We are going to see what we can do with the kids door, maybe put something on it to block the noise... I did put up some stuff between our apartment and the landlord's house. It is only kinda working.. actually mostly all it is doing is blocking the site of the door. My mom is going to see if there is something else we can put behind the curtain yes it is one of the ones that is supposed to block noise. We still have about half the kitchen to unpack and then we have to tackle what everyone helped us pack up the day we moved which is all the crap we had all over the apartment. Hopefully we can figure out something to do with that. All in all I guess things are going ok but I feel like I am going crazy. I can't rest and I am wicked exhausted. In fact today I got a chill so I am pretty sure I am coming down with something, which is definitely not helping the situation.

Rae: She has stopped listening, almost completely, no lying. It is really weird. I think it is because of the move and I hope she moves past it soon because she is really bothered by it.

JD: He took a step fully unassisted. He was walking toward something but for a full step and a half he wasn't touching anything. I tried to get him to do it again it was hard cause he was tired and hungry but he didn't just go straight down, he thought about and started to attempt a step. I was really hoping he would be walking by now :-/

HISloveNAME
The Woodward Family

Peep and Life

**DISCLAIMER**
This is not meant to be offensive, but rather to challenge. If you find something offensive or it hits a nerve or you really like something, please make a comment.
"God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way" ~Max Lucado

I did things a little differently for my Facebook friends, but I will do this kind of the way my thought process went.

I was watching Peep and the Big Wide World. Quack was going to visit Chirp. As quack headed up the hill there was a rock on the path. Quack turned around and went back down the hill declaring that he would not be able to make it to Chirp's. As Quack headed away Chirp came down the hill, saw the rock and proceeded to walk around it. After talking with Quack, Chirp told Quack that they should try to move the rock. As they were trying to figure out how they were going to move the rock Rae decided she wanted some attention and so I missed the conclusion. However, I was able to have a thought discussion with myself. I decided to post a status:

You are walking and your come across a rock blocking the path. I really want to know what people would do. So (honestly) would you: (1) Turn around and go back- you obviously can't get by (2) Go around it (3) Figure out a way to move it.

I got a couple of responses not as many as I was hoping for and I guess I could still get more. I am waiting to reveal my reasoning for the status.

My thought process was this:
As I watched the show I realized that I know some people who just turn around, oh well, guess I can't go that way. And I know way too many who just keep going around the problem. That is the one that really frustrates me. I would definitely move the rock. That way the next times I go by I won't be inconvenienced. My God can move mountains, so with his help it can definitely be moved. Course then there are the people that just assume if God wanted to move it He would. So they walk around it, hoping he would move it. And when He doesn't they assume they are just supposed to live with the burden.

I become very annoyed with people who leave things alone, who just live with things. I think part of the reason for this is I grew up having to live with things I could not change, having to go without because we really couldn't afford it. Fixing things hoping they would work just a little bit longer, till we could afford to fix it and praying it wouldn't get worse. While there are people out there, because they are so complacent with life, leave things alone and then they really break and they end up spending more than had they just fixed it to begin with.
I don't know what you are trying to walk around, or walk from living with a broken dryer because it works... it just takes literally 3 hours to dry half a load of laundry with no blankets, towels, or jeans. A relationship with a friend. Life in general... Our relationship with God. But stop. One of the responses I got was this: "I would definitely go around it. I don't usually walk places without a purpose, so turning back probably wouldn't be an option, since my destination is important enough for me to go there, and if I turn back, I'll have to eventually come back and deal with it anyway." If this is a place you are at, it is the best way to walk around something. And you can live this way without being too complacent. So if you are thinking about turning around, at least get to where our sister here is. Know that the destination is worth getting to. Once you get here and fell comfortable or if you are here already I challenge you to get to the point where you want to figure out how to move it.
God did not create us to set the cruise control and drive around obstacles. "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." -Genesis 1:27 If we are created in His image then we would not just sit by and watch life go by. Including walking around obstacles. He could have just turned around and walked away as mankind fell farther and farther from Him. Instead He sent us His son John 3:16 If we were created in His image then we should try to approach situations the same way He would.
As much as the saying is cliche... What Would Jesus Do?

His love Name
The Woodward Family

Text Tease

Do people only show concern for others behind their backs? Or do I just miss the boat?

I'm Done, But Thank You

This is copied and pasted straight from a post from a message board I belong to, but the end thank you applies here too (so if some of the abbreviations don't make sense that is why. Feel free to ask though):

At this point it is kind of bitter sweet. I am still pumping after being sick and while I know things could still get better from here they probably won't get much (because of the production issues I was having anyway) It takes me 4-5 times pumping to get a 4oz bottle. When, for me, it should only be like twice. DH ended up taking all of last week off because of DD being sick, then him, then me so pumping was easier than it will be. He goes back to work tonight and tomorrow I am on my own and I can't feed and pump. I did it with DD and DH and my mom told me they wouldn't let me do it again. And I don't mind because I think it contributed to my PPD after having her. (I have depression, its winter here and I also suffer from seasonal depression.) I can already see signs of it coming out and I see a lot of it relating to BFing and letting people down, including myself. I always wanted to be one of those happy BFing mommies, but I just can't do it. In fact I am starting to get angry, at myself, at dumb BFing people, and just people who BF in general. And I am sorry, but I would rather be happy and there for my children than attached to a baby all day to keep him from screaming, and causing my DD to be jealous and dislike me because I can't play with her. I do feel like I have failed, like I haven't tired hard enough, but I have. If you can do it, good for you. But I need to know where my limitations are, and I am pretty sure I have reached them.

I'm still not okay with this. I really did want to BF, that is why I cry. Part of me is just doing it to appease the masses, and so the part of me that wants to keep me healthy says that just for that reason I need to quit. I shouldn't do anything just to keep others happy. But know that if you (being a relative term to anyone I ever meet) say ANYTHING I will defend my right to be happy and healthy and to enjoy my children.

I do want to thank all of you who supported and gave me advice. It really means a lot to have people who are just willing to help out and not attack me. But I need to do what is best for my children (both of them) and for me, and BFing isn't it.

GB ~The Woodwards