Forgetful

I can remember dates and when things happened, because I can relate them to other things. But when it comes to cute this Rae does and says or just other mundane things that happen throughout the day- forget it. I used to be better. I say a report once on people who remember EVERY day of their lives (well, back to when the average person remembers) I think I have some of that because I don't know many (if any) who remembers things the way I do. When I was working at Stop and Shop some joked about kids messing with your memory, I swear they really do. One guy said it has to do with having your mind focused so much on them. That could be, but I swear half my mind is really missing sometimes lol.
Oh well, it is what it is. More laundry to do. Oh, like often times I forget I put laundry in so I will be waiting for the washer and then it will be hours before I remember. Why isn't there a buzzer of some sort on the washer like there is the dryer. I know the washer is done first so the dryer would be the one if I was only going to put it on one. But what if you don't have a dryer, you aren't going to use the dryer this load, you are only doing 1 load, or its the first load?

HISloveNAME
The Woodward Family

So Proud

I am very proud of myself. I started off the week in my normal rut of a routine :( Monday the kids and I went to the beach with my parents and sister, which was very fun, I just went about it like I have been going about everything. On Tuesday I was more depressed. I realized it is because I feel like I am missing everything. My sister has been working on buying a house and that has been the major thing I have been missing, plus friends and family back home. See growing up I was the one who never wanted to leave Ashby, Chrys wanted to run as far away as possible and now she has set roots at home. I ended up going up to my parents on Tuesday to hang out with Rae; left JD with Isaac. My sister signed papers on the house so we went over to see that and then went home. Isaac and I talked and are now 100% on the same page; we were in the same book before but Isaac was bucking against it. We still aren't sure what the next year looks like, but we have a basic plan a lot will depend on how each step plays out. And there are a lot of steps. But the big thing is that after my trip home I worked on the house, cleaned EVERYTHING, kept the living room and the dishes clean :) GO ME!!

I'm Done, But Thank You

This is copied and pasted straight from a post from a message board I belong to, but the end thank you applies here too (so if some of the abbreviations don't make sense that is why. Feel free to ask though):

At this point it is kind of bitter sweet. I am still pumping after being sick and while I know things could still get better from here they probably won't get much (because of the production issues I was having anyway) It takes me 4-5 times pumping to get a 4oz bottle. When, for me, it should only be like twice. DH ended up taking all of last week off because of DD being sick, then him, then me so pumping was easier than it will be. He goes back to work tonight and tomorrow I am on my own and I can't feed and pump. I did it with DD and DH and my mom told me they wouldn't let me do it again. And I don't mind because I think it contributed to my PPD after having her. (I have depression, its winter here and I also suffer from seasonal depression.) I can already see signs of it coming out and I see a lot of it relating to BFing and letting people down, including myself. I always wanted to be one of those happy BFing mommies, but I just can't do it. In fact I am starting to get angry, at myself, at dumb BFing people, and just people who BF in general. And I am sorry, but I would rather be happy and there for my children than attached to a baby all day to keep him from screaming, and causing my DD to be jealous and dislike me because I can't play with her. I do feel like I have failed, like I haven't tired hard enough, but I have. If you can do it, good for you. But I need to know where my limitations are, and I am pretty sure I have reached them.

I'm still not okay with this. I really did want to BF, that is why I cry. Part of me is just doing it to appease the masses, and so the part of me that wants to keep me healthy says that just for that reason I need to quit. I shouldn't do anything just to keep others happy. But know that if you (being a relative term to anyone I ever meet) say ANYTHING I will defend my right to be happy and healthy and to enjoy my children.

I do want to thank all of you who supported and gave me advice. It really means a lot to have people who are just willing to help out and not attack me. But I need to do what is best for my children (both of them) and for me, and BFing isn't it.

GB ~The Woodwards

A Great Quote

This is going to be a quick update because... I got that stupid stomach bug :( So far JD hasn't gotten it and we are still praying that he doesn't. Well, because I got sick I was going to stop breast feeding, its hard to run to the bathroom when you are feeding. I talked to a lactation consultant and she said as long as I pump once a day I will keep my supply. Okay. Knowing that I am having milk supply issues already I decided that I would pump as much as I could. I have pretty much been doing every feeding, except the middle of the night one. My supply is WAY down, it has taken me a whole day to get a bottle for him which is 4oz. So okay, but Isaac ended up not going to work this week because of this stupid bug and I don't know what I am going to do on my own, so this may be the end of the road for breast feeding. I have to admit somewhere that part of me is relieved, but part of me is really sad, I wish I could be one of those happy breast feeding moms, but I am not, I am miserable. Especially with all these things getting in the way. I want to get as much as I can with the antibodies against this crappy bug for JD so I will keep pumping for at least a little bit longer. But I know we are going to be done soon. I was looking around for milk supply support and I found a forum and in a reply to a question someone had ended their comment with this: "Being a great mom is much more than breast feeding" Its so true, I just wish I didn't feel critized everywhere I turn. I don't know that I am, but I feel that way. I hate being told that I didn't try hard enough, I tried my best, and if my best isn't good enough then I am sorry. I don't know why when other people don't try their best at something they still get rewarded but when I work my butt of I get crap.
I should go, I still don't feel great. Every time I put something in my tummy I feel sick. But I am soo hungry.

GB ~ The Woodwards